1
00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:02,868
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
2
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:28,026
(HAMMERING)
3
00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:31,162
Yep,
without me, Judy,
4
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:32,330
your pretty little legs
wouldn't have
5
00:00:32,398 --> 00:00:33,631
a balcony to stand on.
6
00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:35,300
Is it secure?
7
00:00:35,367 --> 00:00:37,034
That baby's
as secure as I am.
8
00:00:38,170 --> 00:00:40,171
Why? What, you don't think
I'm secure?
9
00:00:40,239 --> 00:00:42,340
(CRASHING NOISE)
(BOY GROANING)
10
00:00:42,408 --> 00:00:44,309
Oh, Dylan,
are you okay?
11
00:00:44,376 --> 00:00:45,443
Dylan?
12
00:00:45,510 --> 00:00:47,078
I have no feeling
in my arms or my legs!
13
00:00:47,146 --> 00:00:50,281
Oh, great.
Now I've got no Romeo.
14
00:00:50,349 --> 00:00:53,618
Okay!
Who built the balcony?
15
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:55,553
Okay, in retrospect,
16
00:00:55,621 --> 00:00:56,787
it might have been
foolish of me
17
00:00:56,855 --> 00:00:59,257
to consider paste
the nail's silent cousin.
18
00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:00,725
But you live, you learn.
19
00:01:00,792 --> 00:01:02,894
I have 400
people coming,
20
00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:05,063
not to mention
Mr. Joffrey Menell,
21
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:07,966
the esteemed theater critic
from the PennySaver.
22
00:01:08,033 --> 00:01:10,001
What do you
suggest I do?
23
00:01:10,069 --> 00:01:12,603
Well, you're really old.
Why don't you retire?
24
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:15,573
(MACHINE POWERING UP)
25
00:01:15,641 --> 00:01:18,509
Dylan, are you sure
you can't go on?
26
00:01:18,577 --> 00:01:19,811
Clear!
27
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,748
What about
just the matinee?
28
00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:27,385
Okay, okay, I'll just
get some tights,
29
00:01:27,452 --> 00:01:29,020
and I'll take these
funny little booties here.
30
00:01:29,087 --> 00:01:30,321
Thanks.
31
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:33,258
You Romeo?
'Tis to laugh.
32
00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:34,326
'Tis it?
33
00:01:35,794 --> 00:01:37,662
"O my love,
34
00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:39,063
"my wife!
35
00:01:39,965 --> 00:01:41,866
"Thou art not conquered
36
00:01:43,001 --> 00:01:44,969
"Beauty's ensign yet
37
00:01:45,037 --> 00:01:47,038
"Is crimson in thy lips
and in thy cheeks,
38
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:51,209
"And death's pale flag
has not advanced there."
39
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,780
Oh, my.
40
00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:58,450
That was exquisite.
41
00:01:58,517 --> 00:01:59,851
Yeah, well, been
building that balcony
42
00:01:59,918 --> 00:02:01,853
since the first rehearsal.
I can do the whole play.
43
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,788
I can do Lady Capulet,
I can do Friar Laurence,
44
00:02:03,856 --> 00:02:05,257
I can do Cartman.
45
00:02:05,324 --> 00:02:07,692
(IMITATING CARTMAN) I'm not fat.
I'm festively plump.
46
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,394
Please, go and put
your tights on.
47
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,996
Okay. But I do
have the part, right?
48
00:02:21,306 --> 00:02:22,841
Mercutio slain!
49
00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:28,380
Fire-eyed fury
be my conduct now.
50
00:02:28,447 --> 00:02:31,916
Now, Tybalt, take the
villain back again
51
00:02:31,984 --> 00:02:34,419
for Mercutio's soul is but a
little way above our heads,
52
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:37,121
waiting for thine
to keep him company.
53
00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:40,759
Either thou or I,
54
00:02:40,826 --> 00:02:42,960
or both
must go with him!
55
00:02:45,364 --> 00:02:47,164
Thou, wretched boy,
56
00:02:47,232 --> 00:02:49,066
that didst
consort him here
57
00:02:49,134 --> 00:02:51,002
shalt with him hence.
58
00:02:54,373 --> 00:02:57,842
This shall
determine that.
59
00:03:01,079 --> 00:03:03,147
(WHISPERS) Prepare
to die, Jedi Master.
60
00:03:04,249 --> 00:03:07,118
Bravo, Eric! Bravo!
61
00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:09,787
I haven't seen
such raw talent
62
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:11,456
since I directed
Meryl Streep
63
00:03:11,523 --> 00:03:16,794
in the 1977 senior class production
of The Meryl Streep Show.
64
00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:18,229
Eric,
you were amazing.
65
00:03:18,297 --> 00:03:19,797
You know something?
You didn't like me at all
66
00:03:19,865 --> 00:03:21,732
before I became Romeo,
did you?
67
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,235
But now all of a sudden all these
people are applauding for me,
68
00:03:24,303 --> 00:03:25,570
and that impresses you.
69
00:03:25,637 --> 00:03:27,205
You know, there's a name
for people like you.
70
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:28,606
Really? What?
71
00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:30,641
Mrs. Eric Matthews.
72
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:44,222
I have finally
found my niece.
73
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:45,690
You mean niche.
74
00:03:46,658 --> 00:03:48,192
Probably.
75
00:03:49,061 --> 00:03:50,795
Unbelievable.
76
00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:53,230
These reviews
are incredible.
77
00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,266
Look, Mom, if you're gonna pay
attention to the good reviews,
78
00:03:55,333 --> 00:03:56,968
you gotta look
at the bad ones.
79
00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,069
But there are
no bad ones.
80
00:03:58,136 --> 00:04:00,071
I know!
(LAUGHING)
81
00:04:00,138 --> 00:04:02,807
Listen to this.
"Matthews' King Lear rules."
82
00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:06,344
"Matthews' performance
would tame any shrew."
83
00:04:06,411 --> 00:04:08,512
Promise me you won't let these
things go to your head.
84
00:04:09,014 --> 00:04:11,215
I would never.
85
00:04:11,283 --> 00:04:13,317
Oh, look. Bloomingdale's
is having a white sale.
86
00:04:13,385 --> 00:04:15,286
That's not about me!
87
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:24,728
Come on, Jack! Cory's
gonna be here, like...
88
00:04:24,796 --> 00:04:25,964
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
89
00:04:26,031 --> 00:04:27,898
Now. Get your coat!
90
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:32,102
Topanga. What are
you doing here?
91
00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:33,771
There's something I want
to talk to you about.
92
00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,641
Well, actually, we were
just on our way out.
93
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,042
I just want to make sure
you and I are okay.
94
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,379
Yeah, yeah,
we're okay. Why?
95
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,947
Well, I know since
Cory and I broke up,
96
00:04:43,015 --> 00:04:44,516
things have been kind
of weird between us.
97
00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:46,751
I care about
being your friend.
98
00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:49,888
Jack! What happened
to your face?
99
00:04:49,955 --> 00:04:52,356
Apparently she doesn't care
about being my friend.
100
00:04:52,424 --> 00:04:53,891
We're on our way to
a basketball game.
101
00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:55,926
Now is not the time to be
making fun of Jack's face.
102
00:04:55,994 --> 00:04:57,728
No, he's not
going anywhere.
103
00:04:57,796 --> 00:05:00,464
Those look like chicken pox.
Do they itch?
104
00:05:00,532 --> 00:05:02,033
No, not really.
105
00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:05,136
However, these are
a little irritating.
106
00:05:05,203 --> 00:05:06,571
All right, you've got it.
This is serious.
107
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,640
If you don't take care of these
now, you could get really sick.
108
00:05:08,774 --> 00:05:10,875
I don't want to die.
109
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:13,044
Nobody's dying. We are
going to the game.
110
00:05:13,111 --> 00:05:14,145
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
111
00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:15,380
That's Cory.
No! Cory!
112
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,547
Don't come in here!
113
00:05:16,615 --> 00:05:17,748
CORY: Okay.
114
00:05:17,816 --> 00:05:19,450
Topanga, what are
you doing in there?
115
00:05:19,518 --> 00:05:21,318
She's trying to keep us from
going to see the Sixers.
116
00:05:21,386 --> 00:05:22,453
Cory, they have
chicken pox!
117
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,055
Run away, or you
could catch them!
118
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:26,724
Save your breath, Topanga. He
is not going to listen to you.
119
00:05:30,829 --> 00:05:32,797
I can't believe how
whipped that boy is.
120
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:35,166
And what do you mean,
"They have chicken pox"?
121
00:05:35,233 --> 00:05:37,668
I don't
want to die.
122
00:05:37,736 --> 00:05:39,003
You're not
going to die.
123
00:05:39,071 --> 00:05:40,505
I'm going to stay here and
take care of both of you.
124
00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:41,873
Jack has full-blown
chicken pox,
125
00:05:41,940 --> 00:05:43,375
and you have
half-blown chicken pox.
126
00:05:43,442 --> 00:05:44,542
That is so
ridiculous, okay.
127
00:05:44,609 --> 00:05:46,177
If I have chicken pox,
where are my dots?
128
00:05:47,579 --> 00:05:49,280
Should I
connect them for you?
129
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:51,882
Oh, man, you're dying
worse than I am.
130
00:05:52,918 --> 00:05:54,985
I feel fine.
So I have dots.
131
00:05:55,053 --> 00:05:56,620
That's because
it hasn't hit you yet.
132
00:05:56,688 --> 00:05:58,289
When I had it,
I had dots, a fever,
133
00:05:58,356 --> 00:05:59,891
and I couldn't stand
on my own two feet.
134
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:03,461
At any time during this sickness,
did you ever get quiet?
135
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,763
I'll excuse that because
I know you're sick.
136
00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:08,399
I am not sick. I have
never felt better.
137
00:06:10,402 --> 00:06:11,669
Or perhaps I have.
138
00:06:11,737 --> 00:06:12,870
Put out your arms now.
139
00:06:17,175 --> 00:06:18,576
There he is!
(EXCLAIMING)
140
00:06:20,679 --> 00:06:22,213
You know, the real
tragedy tonight
141
00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:23,815
is that William Shakespeare
couldn't be here
142
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,617
to see how
good you are.
143
00:06:25,684 --> 00:06:28,119
He'll come tomorrow. I
mean, we're here all week.
144
00:06:28,186 --> 00:06:29,587
Unbelievable.
145
00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:33,458
I cannot believe how deeply
you feel up there, Eric.
146
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:35,993
I mean, when you jumped
into Ophelia's grave,
147
00:06:36,061 --> 00:06:39,397
overcome with emotion,
and then wept openly,
148
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:41,633
where did you get
your motivation?
149
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:44,368
They got it right here
in the script. Look.
150
00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:45,737
"Weeps openly."
151
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,705
I mean, they tell
you what to do.
152
00:06:47,773 --> 00:06:50,107
Indeed.
A true thespian.
153
00:06:51,009 --> 00:06:52,944
Eric.
154
00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:55,480
There are some gentlemen here who want
to talk to you about your future.
155
00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:57,849
Are they gypsies?
156
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,017
Randolf Dickson.
Juilliard.
157
00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:01,453
What's that?
158
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,188
The most prestigious acting
school in the country.
159
00:07:04,289 --> 00:07:06,290
Sir Ralph Kramdensen, RSC.
160
00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:08,326
What's that?
161
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:10,128
Royal Shakespeare Company.
162
00:07:10,195 --> 00:07:12,130
The most famous theatrical
company in the world.
163
00:07:12,197 --> 00:07:13,131
Excuse me.
164
00:07:13,198 --> 00:07:14,833
Matt Frazier, ABC.
165
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,400
What's that?
166
00:07:16,468 --> 00:07:17,936
The American
Broadcasting Company,
167
00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:21,072
the number one network
alphabetically in the world.
168
00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:23,808
How would you like to come to
Hollywood and be on television?
169
00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:25,910
Me? In the TV?
170
00:08:20,599 --> 00:08:22,399
I'm home.
171
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:24,502
This is where
I belong.
172
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:25,903
Thanks for coming
with me, Mr. Feeny.
173
00:08:25,971 --> 00:08:27,805
It would have been so
uncool if my parents came.
174
00:08:27,873 --> 00:08:29,507
I'm just here to see
that you get settled.
175
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,876
Now, remember, keep both
your feet on the ground.
176
00:08:31,943 --> 00:08:33,844
This town is
swimming with sharks.
177
00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:36,046
Hey! Stop attacking my town.
178
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:39,117
And the people here are real
down-to-earth, good kindly folk.
179
00:08:39,184 --> 00:08:41,419
Hey!
Get out of my space!
180
00:08:41,486 --> 00:08:42,787
Hey, there's
one of them now.
181
00:08:42,854 --> 00:08:43,988
Hi, nice person.
182
00:08:44,189 --> 00:08:46,757
What do I have to do,
call my attorney?
183
00:08:46,825 --> 00:08:48,859
Get out of my space!
184
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:51,796
Thank you.
185
00:08:51,863 --> 00:08:52,896
You're welcome.
186
00:08:52,965 --> 00:08:54,665
And who might
you be, little girl?
187
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,401
I'm not a little girl. I'm 42.
188
00:08:57,469 --> 00:08:59,470
I just play
little girls on TV.
189
00:09:01,106 --> 00:09:02,272
Hello.
190
00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:04,842
Eric.
191
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:06,444
Are you sure you want to
go through with this?
192
00:09:06,511 --> 00:09:08,079
More than anything.
193
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,554
"And as he looked
into her dying eyes
194
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,823
"and gently cradled
her dying head,
195
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,392
"he knew they would be
together again someday."
196
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,127
In heaven?
Yes.
197
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:26,563
Okay, Topanga.
It's very nice.
198
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,733
My brother and I appreciate
everything you're doing for us,
199
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,267
but we're
all better now.
200
00:09:30,335 --> 00:09:33,070
So the next time we get chicken
pox, we'll give you a call.
201
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,505
Shawn,
stop scratching.
202
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:36,974
Topanga,
203
00:09:37,042 --> 00:09:39,777
I really don't
want your help.
204
00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,545
Well, I do, Shawn.
205
00:09:41,613 --> 00:09:43,313
Topanga's a good nurse.
206
00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:46,550
My fever's down
to malaria level.
207
00:09:46,618 --> 00:09:48,686
I think I can go back
to my village now.
208
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,254
He's delirious.
209
00:09:50,322 --> 00:09:53,090
Jack, you can't get
off this couch, okay?
210
00:09:53,158 --> 00:09:54,325
Okay.
211
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,661
I don't care what he says,
I want you to stay.
212
00:09:56,795 --> 00:09:58,563
Jack...
Shawn, it's okay.
213
00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:00,965
He doesn't know what he's saying.
It's the fever talking.
214
00:10:01,032 --> 00:10:02,533
That's not right.
215
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:04,202
He doesn't want to
be friends with you
216
00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:05,837
because you
broke up with Cory.
217
00:10:05,904 --> 00:10:07,872
That means you were
never really friends.
218
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,208
No friends.
No friends at all.
219
00:10:13,978 --> 00:10:17,014
Although it seems to be a very
perceptive fever, doesn't it?
220
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:22,920
Hey, Eric!
221
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:24,789
Hey,
come here, buddy.
222
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,491
Meet some of the cast
in your new family
223
00:10:26,558 --> 00:10:29,293
for the next 100 episodes,
I hope, I hope, I hope!
224
00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:31,763
Hey, guys,
this is Eric Matthews.
225
00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:34,064
He's going to be playing the
role of the long-lost brother.
226
00:10:34,132 --> 00:10:36,267
He's come all the way from
Philadelphia to try out,
227
00:10:36,334 --> 00:10:37,702
so let's make him
feel welcome.
228
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:41,104
Yeah. This is our
star, Ben Sandwich.
229
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,741
Hey, maybe you've heard of
his brother, Bread Sandwich?
230
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,709
Oh, from that show!
231
00:10:45,977 --> 00:10:46,777
Yeah!
232
00:10:46,845 --> 00:10:49,079
Hey, how you doin'?
233
00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:51,716
Listen, let me tell you
what this show is not.
234
00:10:51,783 --> 00:10:56,354
This is not Long-lost Brother Gets
Acquainted With the Universe, okay?
235
00:10:56,421 --> 00:10:57,455
Okay.
236
00:11:01,893 --> 00:11:03,694
How you doin'?
237
00:11:04,596 --> 00:11:06,831
Sometimes I get shy.
238
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:08,833
People who aren't shy
make me nervous.
239
00:11:09,634 --> 00:11:10,968
Hi!
240
00:11:11,035 --> 00:11:12,937
Oh, no, it's her.
241
00:11:13,004 --> 00:11:14,805
Are you the new guy?
Yeah.
242
00:11:14,872 --> 00:11:16,673
Hi! Welcome!
Hi.
243
00:11:16,741 --> 00:11:18,041
Have you
met Schneider?
244
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:19,977
Schneider is very shy.
245
00:11:20,044 --> 00:11:22,346
Too close, too close,
too close, too close!
246
00:11:23,448 --> 00:11:25,649
Deep down,
I'm shy, too.
247
00:11:25,717 --> 00:11:27,384
I'm a wounded bird.
248
00:11:27,452 --> 00:11:30,188
Schneider and me
are wounded birds.
249
00:11:31,056 --> 00:11:32,556
Help me!
250
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:36,660
Why do they need you?
What?
251
00:11:36,728 --> 00:11:38,228
Well, they got me already.
Why do they need you?
252
00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:40,264
Actually, they just told me...
They got me.
253
00:11:40,331 --> 00:11:41,732
This doesn't
make any sense.
254
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,801
If they got me,
why do they need you?
255
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,235
Where's my banana?
256
00:11:45,303 --> 00:11:46,870
Is it or
is it not 2:15?
257
00:11:46,938 --> 00:11:48,205
Hey, banana boy!
258
00:11:48,273 --> 00:11:49,940
Where's my banana boy?
259
00:11:50,008 --> 00:11:51,775
All right, mango boy.
You're promoted, baby.
260
00:11:53,811 --> 00:11:56,713
Nutty. Okay. Mr. Feeny,
these people are...
261
00:11:57,715 --> 00:11:59,783
Mr. Feeny?
262
00:11:59,851 --> 00:12:02,420
You call this a classroom?
There are only nine desks.
263
00:12:02,487 --> 00:12:05,623
Are we supposed to believe there are
only 9 students in the whole class?
264
00:12:05,690 --> 00:12:08,392
Well, actually, camera angles
will make it appear to be more.
265
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:10,127
That's diabolical.
266
00:12:11,963 --> 00:12:14,932
All right, everybody, let's
show Eric how it's done.
267
00:12:14,999 --> 00:12:16,734
Into costumes. Come on.
268
00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:21,271
Hey, Schneider, listen.
269
00:12:21,339 --> 00:12:24,508
Maybe you could give me a little
something to play off today, okay?
270
00:12:24,576 --> 00:12:27,611
You dead person.
You silent freak.
271
00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,080
You know, I am so sick and
tired of carrying this show.
272
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:32,583
Sorry, Mr. Sandwich. Please
don't be upset with me.
273
00:12:32,651 --> 00:12:35,620
I need this job so I can pay for
college and get an education.
274
00:12:35,687 --> 00:12:37,488
(LAUGHS)
Education?
275
00:12:37,555 --> 00:12:39,390
Son, listen, this show
goes four years,
276
00:12:39,457 --> 00:12:40,657
they'll give you
an honorary degree.
277
00:12:40,725 --> 00:12:42,659
You'll be
Dr. Creepy Weirdo.
278
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,528
Okay, come on,
places.
279
00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:46,197
All right.
280
00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:49,333
Three, two, one,
281
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,635
action.
282
00:12:51,703 --> 00:12:53,604
Look, Rory,
all you have to do
283
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:56,473
is get the keys to your father's
car and his credit card...
284
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:58,342
I don't know, Shane.
285
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,711
I got a real bad feeling about this one.
You know?
286
00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:03,313
I've never done anything
like this before...
287
00:13:03,381 --> 00:13:04,849
Oh, man!
288
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:07,151
We're doing
this story again?
289
00:13:07,218 --> 00:13:10,287
How many times have we
done this, Matt, 100,000?
290
00:13:10,355 --> 00:13:12,323
He's yelling again.
Stop the yelling.
291
00:13:12,524 --> 00:13:17,094
How can I learn so much every
week and still be so stupid?
292
00:13:17,162 --> 00:13:19,796
Make him stop!
Make him stop!
293
00:13:19,864 --> 00:13:21,999
Okay, okay, we'll get
the writers to fix it.
294
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:24,202
Come on, Ben, we got the
best writers in town.
295
00:13:24,269 --> 00:13:25,536
Yeah, that's all
I hear, Matt!
296
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:27,738
"They're young, they're
hip, they're fun."
297
00:13:27,805 --> 00:13:30,307
Hey! Do your jobs!
298
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:34,445
Oh, what's wrong?
Did I hurt your feelings?
299
00:13:34,512 --> 00:13:38,148
Good! Because you know what
this script is? Poopy!
300
00:13:38,216 --> 00:13:40,250
It's not poopy!
You're poopy!
301
00:13:41,019 --> 00:13:42,620
Oh, boy.
302
00:13:42,687 --> 00:13:45,589
That was a good thing to say. Let's
just watch what happens now.
303
00:13:45,657 --> 00:13:47,057
All right, that's it!
304
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:48,759
You're fired,
all of you! Get out!
305
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:50,861
And clean out
your cubbies!
306
00:13:50,929 --> 00:13:55,299
Oh, yeah? Well, you can
kiss my diapered butt.
307
00:13:56,467 --> 00:14:00,037
I am too old
and too rich.
308
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:01,538
Mommy,
I'm fired again.
309
00:14:06,578 --> 00:14:08,512
Okay, Eric, you're
playing Derek, right?
310
00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:10,781
The older, good-looking, not the
sharpest knife in the drawer,
311
00:14:10,848 --> 00:14:13,250
long-lost brother with a heart of gold.
You think you can play that?
312
00:14:13,318 --> 00:14:16,153
Can do. You don't mean
real gold, right?
313
00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:18,489
Just like that.
Okay?
314
00:14:18,556 --> 00:14:19,757
We ready to roll?
315
00:14:19,824 --> 00:14:21,258
As they say
here in Hollywood,
316
00:14:21,326 --> 00:14:23,960
"And action."
317
00:14:25,329 --> 00:14:27,565
Ouchy Mcgouchy,
little bro!
318
00:14:27,632 --> 00:14:28,966
If I can't have
my lucky tube socks,
319
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,735
I shall never pass
the astronaut test.
320
00:14:32,503 --> 00:14:34,337
That was great, Eric!
321
00:14:34,405 --> 00:14:35,906
I personally loved it.
322
00:14:35,974 --> 00:14:39,443
Don't do it that way, okay?
Don't do Shakespeare. Do you.
323
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:41,946
Don't do Shakespeare? All I've
ever done is Shakespeare.
324
00:14:42,013 --> 00:14:45,449
Do you. The role is you, Eric.
Do you.
325
00:14:45,516 --> 00:14:46,951
I don't know
how to do that.
326
00:14:47,018 --> 00:14:48,719
Just be honest.
327
00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:51,922
Acting is
about honesty.
328
00:14:51,990 --> 00:14:55,759
So, all I have to do is just stand
up here and just be honest?
329
00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:56,860
That's it.
330
00:14:57,528 --> 00:14:59,429
I can do that.
Sure!
331
00:14:59,497 --> 00:15:01,899
All right. Hey, let's
take it from Ben's line.
332
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:04,301
And
333
00:15:06,137 --> 00:15:07,137
action.
334
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,740
I'm really sorry, Derek,
335
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:14,178
but I washed your lucky
tube socks, and, well...
336
00:15:16,148 --> 00:15:18,449
You're not sorry.
What?
337
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:19,916
What, all of a sudden
the cameras are on you,
338
00:15:19,984 --> 00:15:22,253
you're a different person?
What's that all about?
339
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,720
What?
What?
340
00:15:23,788 --> 00:15:26,757
I just saw the way you were acting
with the writers over there.
341
00:15:26,824 --> 00:15:28,825
You're just mean.
342
00:15:28,893 --> 00:15:31,094
Methinks you shrunk
my socks on purpose.
343
00:15:31,963 --> 00:15:33,364
Like that?
344
00:15:33,431 --> 00:15:34,498
And cut!
345
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:39,269
Sorry for dragging you out
to California, Mr. Feeny.
346
00:15:39,337 --> 00:15:42,706
I had no idea the Windy
City would be so cruel.
347
00:15:42,774 --> 00:15:46,544
Eric, just because Mr. Frazier
didn't like your performance
348
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:49,613
and we got thrown
out of the studio,
349
00:15:49,681 --> 00:15:52,382
doesn't mean
you weren't good.
350
00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:54,484
I mean, that's just
one man's opinion.
351
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:56,053
Well, what's
your opinion?
352
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:57,487
Same as his.
353
00:15:57,555 --> 00:15:59,790
But what you have
to understand is that
354
00:15:59,858 --> 00:16:02,993
what comes easily
goes just as easily.
355
00:16:03,061 --> 00:16:05,196
I mean, if you want to be
an actor badly enough,
356
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:09,166
you have to take classes,
study for years,
357
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:11,468
face rejection
on a daily basis,
358
00:16:11,536 --> 00:16:14,138
and then
after 10,000 nos,
359
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:15,806
there might be
a glimmer of a chance
360
00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:18,843
that someone
might say yes.
361
00:16:21,479 --> 00:16:26,049
Next I want to be the heavyweight
champion of the world.
362
00:16:26,117 --> 00:16:27,384
Great.
Let's go home.
363
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:28,519
Okay.
364
00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:36,860
Hey, bud. Goin' to the grocery store.
You want anything?
365
00:16:36,928 --> 00:16:38,729
No. Thanks for asking.
366
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:40,130
You're welcome.
367
00:16:40,197 --> 00:16:41,932
Hey, you're sure there's
nothing you need, right?
368
00:16:41,999 --> 00:16:44,368
Like maybe to call up a friend
and tell her you're sorry?
369
00:16:44,569 --> 00:16:46,503
I don't know what
you're talking about.
370
00:16:46,571 --> 00:16:49,340
You know who I mean. Come on.
She took care of us.
371
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:52,576
She was here for a couple of days.
Now she hasn't been around.
372
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:54,378
You know
the one I mean.
373
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:57,881
Her name rhymes
with noshmanga.
374
00:16:57,883 --> 00:17:00,651
It's not my fault, Jack.
This is what happens
375
00:17:00,718 --> 00:17:02,552
when you're friends with a
couple and they break up.
376
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:05,156
You're forced
to choose sides.
377
00:17:05,223 --> 00:17:07,258
And Cory's
my best friend.
378
00:17:07,325 --> 00:17:09,126
Yeah. I'm sure
she realizes that.
379
00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:10,927
Well, yeah,
thanks to you.
380
00:17:10,995 --> 00:17:12,429
Hey, look, my temperature
was, like, 112.
381
00:17:12,497 --> 00:17:14,331
I didn't know
what I was saying.
382
00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:15,732
It's okay.
383
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,101
I'm sure she felt uncomfortable, too.
She's not coming back.
384
00:17:20,138 --> 00:17:22,205
Yeah,
you're probably right.
385
00:17:22,273 --> 00:17:25,042
Hey. There's my
favorite nurse.
386
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:26,409
Thank you.
387
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,981
Look, Shawn.
388
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:34,685
I know you're in a tough situation.
Cory's your best friend.
389
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:40,190
You know, he used to tell
me how wonderful you were.
390
00:17:40,258 --> 00:17:42,493
But guys always say great
things about their girlfriends
391
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,194
until they break up.
392
00:17:44,262 --> 00:17:47,131
And that's when
the truth comes out.
393
00:17:47,198 --> 00:17:52,035
You know, I've waited 15 years to find
out what he really thinks about you.
394
00:17:52,103 --> 00:17:53,404
Do you want to know
what he thinks about you
395
00:17:53,471 --> 00:17:54,804
now that
you're broken up?
396
00:17:54,872 --> 00:17:56,907
Shawn, I don't want
to talk about that.
397
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:58,442
You know, I just came
here to tell you
398
00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:00,811
that you are an
unappreciative little jerk,
399
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:02,780
and if you're so
uncomfortable around me
400
00:18:02,847 --> 00:18:05,048
that we can't be friends now
that I'm not seeing Cory,
401
00:18:05,116 --> 00:18:07,885
then maybe we were never
really friends at all.
402
00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:10,221
And I want you to
tell me that to my face.
403
00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:12,223
Now that
you've broken up,
404
00:18:12,290 --> 00:18:15,593
he still tells me
how wonderful you are.
405
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:18,495
He's completely brokenhearted
over what he's lost.
406
00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:21,531
So am I.
407
00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:25,769
(SIGHS)
Cory's my best friend.
408
00:18:28,239 --> 00:18:30,841
But I want to tell you
to your face that
409
00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:34,011
if I knew that you and I
weren't friends anymore
410
00:18:35,112 --> 00:18:37,047
it'd break
my heart, too.
411
00:18:39,851 --> 00:18:41,352
You want soup?
412
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:45,255
Will you
feed it to me?
413
00:18:51,429 --> 00:18:53,063
Where are they?
414
00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:54,664
What are you
looking for?
415
00:18:54,732 --> 00:18:56,366
I'm supposed to shoot hoops.
I can't find them anywhere.
416
00:18:56,467 --> 00:18:57,934
Can't find what?
My tube socks!
417
00:18:58,002 --> 00:19:01,071
My lucky tube socks. Have you by
any chance seen them anywhere?
418
00:19:01,706 --> 00:19:03,574
Oh, uh...
419
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,476
You're gonna find this kind
of hard to believe, Eric,
420
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:08,512
but, last night
for no logical reason
421
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:09,780
that you could
possibly think of,
422
00:19:09,847 --> 00:19:14,084
I did the wash instead of Mom, and...
Well...
423
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:16,320
This is so funny.
424
00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:18,922
Where are my
lucky tube socks?
425
00:19:19,423 --> 00:19:21,458
Well.
426
00:19:21,526 --> 00:19:23,393
I don't think they're
so lucky anymore.
427
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:26,730
That's not the line.
428
00:19:27,732 --> 00:19:29,299
What?
429
00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:31,902
The line was, "Honey, I
shrunk the tube socks."
430
00:19:31,969 --> 00:19:33,970
Oh, I know.
I'm sorry, Will.
431
00:19:34,038 --> 00:19:35,739
I was trying
something new.
432
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:38,209
Oh! You were just... You were
trying something new, huh?
433
00:19:38,276 --> 00:19:39,810
Yeah. Here, why don't
you try this, huh?
434
00:19:39,878 --> 00:19:42,546
Is this new? Does this
all look new to you?
435
00:19:42,613 --> 00:19:45,949
Here's new! Yeah!
436
00:19:46,016 --> 00:19:48,251
I quit!
I'm out of here!
437
00:19:51,155 --> 00:19:53,657
Cory! Eric!
Guess what!
438
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,759
I blew up
another mailbox.
439
00:19:59,296 --> 00:20:01,264
What,
Will flip out again?
440
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,100
Yeah, yeah, he did.
441
00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:05,669
What are we gonna do? I mean,
he's gonna be hard to replace.
442
00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:07,270
Yeah, you're right.
443
00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:12,710
Hey, banana boy!
444
00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:15,612
Want to be a star?
445
00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:17,247
Huh?
446
00:20:17,297 --> 00:20:21,847
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